Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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