do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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