You can't motorboat a personality
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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