my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize