so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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