You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
soo... how was my night?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
