Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
