batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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