I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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