so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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