____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
