how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
