So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
