I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
