I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
