Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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