Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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