Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
