I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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