You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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