don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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