im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
