i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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