You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
