how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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