So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
