I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
