There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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