this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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