last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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