my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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