please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
