i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
