Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
