I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
