i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How many fucks given?
0.12846
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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