Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
