Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
