he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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