I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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