when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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