The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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