Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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