How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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