I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
