Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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