I just made out with a guy for $7.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
