just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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