just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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