Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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