It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
