just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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