It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
