I got chris browned last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
