you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
