throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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