this just has baby written all over it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
