I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
