I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
