we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
