does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
