Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
