So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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