i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
