We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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