did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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