I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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