My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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