we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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