dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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