the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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